I struggled for years with low self-esteem. I had a horrible and annoying voice that lived inside my head. It constantly under minded my confidence. It was exhausting and I desperately wanted to change the opinion I had of myself. When I decided to get on the road to self-discovery, three things happened to help me finally kick that useless voice to the curb.
1: I realized the culture I live in contributed to my belittling.
2: It took a water experiment conducted by a Japanese scientist to see how my thought patterns were hurting me and
3: I began to learn about my true self worth.
My hope is that my experiences will help you hear a more encouraging and supportive voice in your head.
Why isn’t my hair longer, fuller and shinier? Why isn’t my complexion flawless? Why can’t I lose 10 pounds?
That was a small sample of the inner dialogue I’ve had with myself since I was a teenager. Magazine articles and talk show hosts will tell us ad naseum that the biggest attribute a woman has is her confidence. How do I imbue confidence when I just raked myself over the coals before having my first cup of coffee?
Do I want to look like a Victoria Secret model? Yes, yes I do. Do I really believe it will make my life perfect? No, but it doesn’t stop me for wanting to be beautiful. I’m not alone.
For centuries women have tried all kinds of beauty treatments to enhance what we have or to fake what we don’t. Media induced beauty, and all it entails. From pictures of 20yr old models, selling wrinkle cream, to talk shows that promote the latest in weight loss. It’s a feeding frenzy on my insecurities in hopes of selling me a cure. The question I have is: How can I stop this cycle of mental put-downs?
A few years ago, I read an interesting experiment that impacted my belief system. It forever changed my inner dialogue.
Dr. Masaru Emoto decided to study water molecules. The water samples were subjected to various degrees of emotion: One jar of water was subjected to messages of Love, one jar of water was given soft words of appreciation; One jar was yelled at with messages of anger and one jar was spoken to with messages of hate. After a month of this, he took pictures of the frozen water. He then produced several slides showing different crystal formations. Love and appreciation are beautiful pictures while the anger and hate are nasty. Think about this: We are made up of 60% water. I needed to change my thought patterns about myself. I didn’t want to make myself ugly.
You can see a video about this experiment below:
How do you change a rock solid foundation of insecurity into an anchor of self-assurance? I decided to replace that abusive voice inside me with one that was full of love and self-respect. Like everything else, it took practice. When a negative thought would push it’s way in, I countered it with something positive. “Wrinkles are multiplying overnight”. “No, those are laugh lines, because my love is full of joy.” I decided to feel grateful that I was healthy, and strong. I meditated and visualized a light inside me that energized and reinforced my belief in my true beauty.
The best example I have of knowing true beauty is this:
Have you ever seen a good looking person and after a 5 minute conversation wonder why you found him/her to be pretty? I’m not talking about when the lights suddenly come on and it’s last call. Their thoughts were rude and obnoxious. The same goes for someone that may not be particularly nice looking, and yet after speaking with him or her, and connecting on the same wavelength, they suddenly become quite attractive. Our inner beauty will always shine through.
I think we are all naturally vain. I think it’s a part of the ego that will keep us evolving into something greater. I’m not opposed to that. I’m opposed to trying for an ideal that was media made.
Marilyn Monroe, the icon of beauty was not happy. Even though she was considered the most beautiful woman, in the world, she never felt loved. All of her wealth and fame never got her what she most wanted.
Don’t misunderstand me: There’s a part of me that wants to age gracefully and another part that wants to go kicking and screaming. I will always enjoy putting makeup on and looking and feeling my best. I just refuse to put myself under a microscope and pick myself apart.
Today, I can honestly say, that the crystal formations inside me are beautiful. They reflect how I perceive myself on the inside as well as the outside. My self-discovery taught me to be grateful for what I have and see other people’s inner beauty as well.
My inner voice now sounds like this: I am perfect, I am strong, I am healthy, I am beautiful inside and out and more important, I am loved.