January 14



By Celeste DeCamps

January 14, 2014

Compassion, Crab Effect, Girlfriends, Social Graces


Picture yourself in a room full of your friends. This room should be full of love. If it’s not, you need new friends. This is the room you don’t feel judged. This is where you can truly be yourself, because the people in this room, get you, like no other. You share common ideas and interests. They can give you constructive criticism, without being insulting. They help guide you, support you and encourage you to have a great life. They will listen to you as you go over a sad disappointment. They will listen to it a million times if need be. As women, we need to run a subject into the ground until it’s out of our system. Men don’t understand that. That’s why it’s so important to have great girl friends. Yes, we can be friends with men, but it’s not the same. Women have wonderful empathy as well as compassion. That’s why we give so much of ourselves to each other. We understand the need to talk thru our anxiety and know we are being heard. The same goes for happy events. We want people in our corner cheering us on, when we achieve a goal. We don’t want to be around people who feel the need to take us down a notch because they feel threatened or jealous of our success.

There will be different people entering and exiting your life at different times. They will serve their purpose in helping us grow and learn. Some will stay forever, and some will need to leave. Life is a process and decisions on who we are with is very important. As we change, and yes we should be changing for the better, so do the people around us. Girlfriends are so important!! They are the best support group we have, as long as they are real friends. By that, I mean, they will listen to you and not pass judgment. We all need people we can confide in, that will hear our problems and have compassion for us. We all should have people in our lives that love us unconditionally. Everyone has work to do in their lifetime to be the best that we can be. It is our friends that become great guides to that betterment. They will point out our bad decisions or lack of action to fix a mistake. It’s okay, because we do the same for them. Our friends form our social graces, our attitudes and our moral compass. That is why, picking good friends is so important. We don’t need people around us that are constantly undermining our confidence so that we never succeed. Those are not friends.

That is the Crab Effect: Picture a bucket of crabs. One is trying to escape up the side, but the rest of the crabs keep pulling him back. They don’t see a way out, and they don’t want to be left behind, so no one is allowed to try and leave.

Be aware of the “friend” who wants you there for her, but is not available when you need advice or encouragement. That is someone taking advantage of your good nature, while sucking the very life from you. Look at yourself and make sure you are a good friend. Make sure you are there for others as they are there for you. There’s no reason to feel alone in your journey. We are all in this together. Let’s help each other be our very best.


About the author

Celeste DeCamps has a B.A. in Communications from the University of Miami. She worked in radio and television, was a professional belly dancer, drummer, percussionist, nightclub owner, and a sales rep for Southern Wine and Spirits for 12 years. Throughout her different career moves, speaking to and teaching women how to be more confident is Celeste's most fulfilling job.

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