May 30


Question the Beliefs You Have About Yourself

By Celeste DeCamps

May 30, 2014

Self worth, self-esteem, Support and Encouragement

Do you look at other women and compare yourself to them? Does a beautiful woman ruin your day? Can you appreciate her beauty or have you decided her life must be better than yours?  Does an unattractive woman make you feel better about yourself?

Have you noticed that if you are fixated on a particular flaw, say for instance your hair, you will observe every head of hair that comes your way? You will sit in judgment and decide to either feel envious or superior to that person’s hair. How much wasted energy do you put into this?

Believe it or not, comparison is normal. It serves a purpose. It motivates us to do better, want more out of life, and make the most of our gifts. Jealousy though, is counterproductive. It’s negative energy that can drain you and keep you from evolving. We all want to be loved, to be seen as beautiful, and to be successful. Is this only reserved for a chosen few or can anyone attain these attributes?

I believe it’s possible for everyone to have it all. It starts with a certain mind set. Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you love yourself? Can you look in the mirror and say out loud, “I love you”? Can you tell yourself, “you are gorgeous” and believe it? Can you tell yourself, “you are smart, funny, creative and full of compassion” without a disclaimer? Can you say anything positive about yourself without a negative thought entering your mind? If your answer is no to any of the above let me change it now.

Start by being aware of how much damage you do to your self-worth by not celebrating yourself every day. Most people, including myself, have been made to feel at some point in our lives that we were not good enough. It took me a long time to learn that the people who took pleasure from insulting me or others were the ones with low self-esteem. They thought that by using backhanded put downs, they would keep others from seeing their fears and limitations.  I realized that the one person whose opinion really mattered  was my own. If I didn’t love myself, how can I expect anyone to love me? If I didn’t trust that I have something to offer in this world then why should I expect success? I had to learn to support and encourage myself instead of waiting for others to do it for me. Once I began to believe in myself  I attracted positive people to me. I treat people the way I want to be treated.  I try to be an optimistic, confident and enthusiastic person to be around. The more I practiced about staying positive the easier it became. I’m not perfect at it by any means. I still catch myself criticizing my imperfections, but I have gotten better at shifting my negative thoughts quickly into positive ones. I remind myself that my friends and family love me for who I am and how I make them feel. The only one harshly judging me right now is me, and I really don’t have to do that.

My friend, Carolyn, called me one day and she was not in a good head space. She was in a negative conversation with herself and needed to share it with me. I finally stopped her and said I could not let her continue to bad mouth my good friend Carolyn this way. I reminded her of all her amazing qualities and why she was important to me. She had to laugh. She said she would stop insulting herself and apologized for all the mean things she said.

Everyone wants to feel special, important, loved. I know I used to feel I had to look a certain way, make a certain amount of money, etc. before any of that could be possible. I didn’t realize that all I had to do was decide that I was special, and that I was important to the people who loved me. As soon as I dropped these crazy expectations of myself, the more I understood how important my self-dialogue became.

Do you know complimenting someone will make you feel as good as the person you are complimenting?

I have told complete strangers on the subway that I liked the dress or scarf or shoes that they were wearing. I have always received a big smile and it would make me feel great. A friend of mine once told me that she was standing by an elevator when an elderly gentleman approached. She turned and smiled at him. He looked at her and said she was the only person today who acknowledged his presence. He thanked her for that smile. My mother smiled at everyone. Some people would smile back but many would turn away and not even acknowledge her. How strange it is that even the act of smiling, to some, can be taken the wrong way. I like to smile whether people smile back or not. I feel good. I like to think that the person who didn’t smile back will at least know someone noticed them and maybe it lifted their spirits a little that day. We all need to be recognized. It feels loving and we all need that. 

My hope is that everyone will have a positive belief system about themselves. I think it would make for a more compassionate society. 

Now when I look at other people I see the beauty we all have inside. I also noticed that when I feel good about myself, I have complete strangers on the subway tell me that they like my dress, or my scarf or my shoes. I thank them with a big smile. 

About the author

Celeste DeCamps has a B.A. in Communications from the University of Miami. She worked in radio and television, was a professional belly dancer, drummer, percussionist, nightclub owner, and a sales rep for Southern Wine and Spirits for 12 years. Throughout her different career moves, speaking to and teaching women how to be more confident is Celeste's most fulfilling job.

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